one.step.better

muahahaha.. feeling really good and happy of myself today. first of all, i finally get to see my taekwondo friends after a few weeks. missed them so much. they are really my family and we can talk every single rubbish on this world. and the best thing about them - transport to go out. :)

ok, back to the title. the one and only reason that i am so happy today is i have achieved something that i wanted for a long time. and i didnt really expect it. first of all, there was a controversy about a month ago concerning who is the last member for the team comprising carmen and i. at first it was ky, then it was wj. but all in all, there was this one same opponent that carmen and i was wanting to beat so badly - sj. alas, from opponent it became team mate. but what a great oppurtunity that was.. 'cause because of that, i got my first ever poomsae team gold medal. :D although i was a team with carmen and sj, but my team with carmen and wj still existed. i was just in 2 teams. and the best part was not winning the gold but winning both the gold and silver. YES! i did win both. and the both teams were the only teams that have marks which were more than 15. :)

yeap. now 2 parts down of my happy day. to top things up. i won a bronze in my individual event. i was kinda expecting it since sj and carmen is in the same category as me. i didnt have any choice but to accept the fact that they were in fact better than me. i was a lil hoping that i could beat carmen this time. but maybe not today, maybe another day. i was sad when i saw myself out of the top 3 spots running for medal contention. i guess lady luck was with me today. 'cause they came and told me that there would be 5 medals for each individual category. that actually totally made my day. this means i achieved something harder to achieve than 3 golds. 3 golds i quite easy to get if we work hard enough. and i didnt give my best today, truthfully.

so today, i got 3 medals. 1 gold, 1 silver and 1 bronze. every colour at stake. i reached my aim of getting at least a medal in every category i participated and getting a gold in my team event. i wanna emphasize that im damn happy today. but this is not the end. this is just the starting. so i have to work harder as my exams are over now. i wanna go one step better. i wanna get 1 gold and 2 silvers the next time. and my next competition for now is - NATIONALS held in march next year :) looking forward to it. hopefully it doesnt clash with my ns.

WHEN ONE DOOR CLOSES ANOTHER DOOR OPENS.
Alexander Graham Bell

start.over

1996. the first time i step into kindergarten. Tadika Krisalis. the beginning of my studying life. what a great kindergarten it was..and still is.

1997. transferred to TTDI branch of Krisalis. continued my wonderful kid life and made many new friends. learn a lil more than when i was at the Cheras branch.

1999. transferred again. this time to Tadika Eduland. it's nearby my house so it's easier for my mum to travel to and fro.

2000. enrolled into one of the biggest chinese primary school in malaysia. SJK (C) Desa Jaya. first day of school. heard a lot of crying. but not mine. they were from those beside me. i was just as cool as normal. parents all waited outside during the first day. well, it's not everyday you get to see your child go to school for the first time.

2005. graduated from primary school. missed my graduation for my cousin's wedding in penang. cried all the way to penang because i missed graduation and all my teachers and friends. got my results for UPSR. happy for the 7As 'cause i really didn't expect it at all.

2006. stepped into secondary school for the first time. also known as middle school in some countries. surprised to be even in the committee of the class. and went on to be the monitor for 4 years.

2008. PMR. great year with great friends to share it with. had some dilemmas along the way but not anything that i cant settle with such great people surrounding me. happy year again as i was actually shocked that i got straight As again. an A in chinese was the biggest shock of all 'cause i planned to drop the subject at first.

2009. it was the same secondary school but now we were technically in high school. best year of all my years in school to date. 4 Murni'09 best class forever. 'Our Class is Our Home, We Are One Big Family'. the class motto will always be in my heart.

2010. the last year of getting formal education from the government. and also the year of SPM. so called the hell year. SPM. what do i think of it? i think it's the most important exams that we have to face during our years in secondary school. without it, don't even think of going to college or a university. don't even plan on getting a job that is not a waiter or waitress. had ups and downs during this year. sad times and happy times. awfully stressed up this year. technically no rest time. and it feels like we were rushing past everything this year without taking time out to enjoy the view.

14 Dec 2010. so on this day. i write this. thinking back on all the memories i had with all the great and amazing people around me. finished my SPM and quite confident of achieving what i aimed for. it may not be as amazing as the others. but i aim what i am capable of. so, where do i go from here? college? work? help out others with their jobs? train more to go to nationals? it's the next part of our lives. i need to make this decision. and i have to make it quick. going to education fair for the 5th or 6th time. got to finalise everything as i have shortlisted the few colleges that i plan to study at. i am taking it too fast? should i slow down and enjoy life before continuing later? will i miss out on things? will i be able to catch up later? these are the questions that are constantly arousing in my mind. and i really do hope to have a clean start next year. without anything to worry about.

random.mixed.up

so it's been a while since i have written any post here. so i guess today is the day. =x ermm, just and update of my life. i'm into the last stretch of my SPM now. there is 3 more papers for me. and to say the truth, i'm a lil not fond of 2 out of the 3 subjects left. that's sad, aint it? sigh~ but no choice. its life, just face it! what i'm facing these few weeks is kinda mixed up, thus the title.


first thing that came up was the competition. i knew that there was gonna be a competition during the 20th of Dec stretch. but who knew it was on the 20th! that was the main problem. well to explain things, i'm finishing my exams on the 14th, then going for state cadet camp(scc) on the 15th till the 19th. then i'm coming back for my competition. guess now it's clear what my problem is. master even warned me about my timing, saying i better make time for training. 'cuz this is not about myself, just don't wanna frustrate my teammates later. but out of all, i have a good news which is, im get a good team this time. Carmen, Kok Yang, we can do it!!


the second thing that popped out, i mean literally, 'cuz i received an email frm Mdm Audrey concerning the scc. then when i opened it. i was a lil shock. as it stated i was the lead camper for tmn ehsan. that i understand as i was the only 'old' one to go. the other thing was 3 other leaders and i were to be the leader for the performance. that was crazy! how am i going to plan for the performance when i am suppose to study?! but that kinda sorted itself out. so im settle with that problem for now IF they dont turn down the offer that ST proposed.


the third thing that really made me feel like hell was national service (ns). i really prayed hard to be in the first batch like my bro. of course i wanted the first batch as i wouldn't have to waste so much time to wait for my turn for ns. then i saw on fb that many of my peeps got the first batch with the majority going to sabah and sarawak. well, im happy for them, but sometimes i have to be a lil selfish and take care of my heart. i was and still am sad now. but my mum as great as she is, send in an application for me hoping that i can be in the first or the second. hopefully that goes through and truthfully now i would rather be in the second batch. :3


lastly and the most important thing that has been bothering me since last night. my further education and my future career. my mum just told me that if the house gets sold, they would send me to SHML. of course im excited. but one thing that bothers me is when will i get back after i leave? i definitely want to study there, but i will most definitely miss my besties here. studying plus the training there is around 2 years and 5 months. there after hotels are going to offer me jobs(according to Urs). so, when will i get a chance to come home? i cant be turning down job offers and coming back here, cant i? think by the time comes, i'll be discussing this a lot with my parents and family. >.<

so that's it! i really needed it. just some place for me to let out my feelings. i feel like i'm the persona of the poem 'The Road Not Taken'. but no matter what, i will make the right choice. :)

THE ROAD NOT TAKEN by Robert Frost
TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

rewind.please

its the holidays! waited for it since forever and finally its here! well, guess what im doing this hols?? WORK...!!
yes! im gonna work this hols. 1st of all tuition is like everyday of the week. then i have to finish up my mekar work. mekar wont take much of my time, just lots of effort. :p i gotta finish up my essay also. been delaying it forever now. the other thing is my moral folio. have to re-print those photos as the teacher lost my folio.

so yeah! im gonna work my ass of this hols and just gonna go online all day too! would be a boring 2 weeks. and im lucky its halfway pass week1. yikes!

pacing.backwards

sick for the past few days.. fever.flu.cough.sorethroat.... and no.. i do not hv H1N1.. jux common sickness.. finally recovered frm fever.sorethroat.. but flu and cough still around... well thats me... its either im not sick or im seriously sick... getting fedup with it...
my work... getting more and more lazy... wathefuck is wrong with me??!!!!!! its spm year for goodness sake.. cant i jux start doing my work... alwiz saying tat i nid to do tis and tat.. creating excuses for wat??!! jux do it!! stop saying tat im busy or watever... its all shit!!
starting to feel tat others are getting a distance away frm me wen it comes to work wise... well, i dun blame them as im the one who is to be blame... if i could jux get my head together, be as wise as last time.. make my priorities rite.. i think they would eventually come back to me.....


STRUGGLING TO FIND MYSELF......

first.and more to go

i think today is a unlucky day for me...

1st of all, i participated in ehsan idol.. felt quite disappointed.. probably coz i really really memorise the lyrics already.. bt......... sigh~~ maybe its my 1st time n nervous.. dunno and dun wanna think bout it ady.. there's alwiz a 1st in everythg.. at least i tried..

2ndly, bcoz of ehsan idol, i was late for practice and punished 10 times.. sigh~~ nvm.. took as if it was a warm up... then waited there for the commander to stop and let me go in... then suddenly hv ppl ask me go tch 2 of them.. thought i would be easy job.. bt it was not wat i expected~!!!! they were...OMG...undescribable... samelegsamehand, blkgpsingleftleg, walkfaaaaaaast and many more common diseases are all in 1 person.. haiz.. had to use my not so usual skill to teach them.. guide them frm base.. then slowly build their confidence.. then hmmm, better a LOT... the bad thg is........ppl was resting n i had to cont teaching them.. by the time i could stop tching, they asked me to go in.. OMG >.< hvnt had a sip of water since english lesson... so was more tired then usual, throat dry... then had to wait almost 2 hrs b4 i got a drink.. sigh~~~

3rd thing.. went online wen i came home.. started hving headaches.. tried to rest.. couldnt... cont dl-ing valentines day ♥ ts ♥ tl ♥ ja ♥ ak ♥ bc ♥ =D finally dled finish... thought my luck would start changing... then wen i played.. oni hv 59 secs and audio!! @@ OMFG dled 709mb and oni hv 59 sec wat the hell... audio oni wat the fuck... then i did a search and found out tat there's no torrent available currently.. all are fakes.. ='( then went to see youtube for any new shows.. decided to see good luck charlie tat i hv meant to see for a long time.. LOL vry vry funny show!! i recommend it to everyone!!! kiddaussie is da best!! =) saw 1 episode.. the 2nd one, OMG cant bliv it.. loaded till 0.03mins stopped.. and cant load anymore.. shit! torrent working perfectly.. but no connection speed for youtube.. so disappointed again.. went to bathe another time as it is soooooo HOTTTTT!! then wen i came down.. started doing idiotic thgs on the internet coz no connection speed... till tis vry moment of me writing this part of this post of this blog.. my connection is still like shit except for my torrent.. @@

"When things go wrong as they sometimes will;
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill;
When the funds are low, and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but have to sigh;
When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but do not quit.
Success is failure turned inside out;
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;
And you can never tell how close you are
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit-
It's when things go wrong that you must not quit."

learn.adapt.improvise

this morning woke up at 5.55am for no obvious reason. cant bliv i woke up this early today, while i cant even wake up at 6.40am on scool days. lol. nvm.. since i woke up, decided to do somethgs to make up for time. started by listening to songs in the morning. really really enjoyed and missed this feeling.
try listening to music at some quiet time of the day, for example early in the morning, late time at nite.. tat is the time wen u actually can hear every beat of the song, every word of the lyrics, even feel the ppl playing the instruments enjoying themselves wen the song was produced. its a really really nice feeling and for all u music lovers out there, tat is the real way to listen to a song, not blasting the radio wen the song is on. XD
umm.. went to kb scool at 7.45am. as expected, i was early again. but luckily as i nid to call a few of them to find out wer the hall is.. @@ after tat.. warm up and practice a few times, then though SL will team wif us. so happy. but the stupid organizers.. haiz 9am oni started the comp, so SL had to go ady. WJ team wif us, me and C actually not vry like it. coz WJ would probably damage our hopes of getting a good result today. sigh~ this is fate. we jux have to face it. so we practice another time then it was time to start. so we went in. then in my opinion we and in fact i did miserably compared to my ind. bt during lunch break, master said i did vry good. O.O i was soooo shocked!! then i started shaking my head. OMG >.<
after lunch break, as informed, we should be collecting our medals. WTF the vip gv to the primary category then went away.. sigh~ all of us complained complained.. but there was ntg to do. so some of those tat couldnt wait went back while the rest of us stayed there. hoping it would be fast. but after a long long long long (and i mean loooonngggg) time, C got scolding many times so she went home 1st. so it was me and SL, SJ, ST, JZ and the small kids left. wow, so sad.
yay~ after another long long long long long time, it was prize giving at last!! i knew my team was getting a medal, bt i din noe which, crossing my fingers to get a silver as my aim of the day was to not let my team down n lose to the state team. at last! got a bronze, bt lost to SJ's and JZ's team. so am satisfied. learnt many thgs today, hope tat can improve on my skills by the end of the year.. =)


DOUBTING YOURSELF IS THE KEY TO FAILURE. FOR SUCCESS, BE CONFIDENT, AS SOMETIMES PEOPLE AREN'T WHO THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE.

mad.angry

tis morning.. din go foot drill practice coz parents dun like it as i'm not home most of the time.. wen i woke up.. its ady 11+am.. LOL.. after tat rcived a msg frm somebody.. walaoeh.. after tat my temperature keep go up and up and up.. then wanna boil.. after tat, recived the no.x... walao.. really boil le.. she say all lo.. sudden say canot like tis for girl team coz state ppl coming for gombak tis time.. then nw can put a cadet to lead a team tat has adult oso la.. wat the fuck!! got diff meh?? wer she put her brain o.. walao.. train small ah.. now not the time lo.. coz not suitable time ma.. ask him bcom higher rank baru cakap la.. haiz.. really boiling and boiling and boiling.. really beh tahan liao.. haiz

SOMETIMES THE THINGS THAT YOU TRUST THE MOST, ARE THE THINGS THAT WILL DISAPPOINT YOU THE MOST.....

mixed.feeling

nowadays keep blaming myself.. is it really my fault that i feel like tat towards others?? its not that i look down on them.. but i feel tat they jux dun appreciate the opportunity tat others gv them... do they think tat the opportunity will alwiz be there?? u may be the best today.. but u nvr noe wat will happen by tomoro.. or even in the nxt hr... they thought we will protect them forever.. but they hv forgotten tat we are human too.. we hv feelings.. n feelings will change... sometimes positive but there are times tat it bcomes negative... this is life.. we jux hv to suck it all in and accept the truth.. there are all kinds of ppl surrounding us every single day.. and we muz try our best to adapt into everythg we do.. if we dont.. then there is no way we can do anythg after our scool life..


ACCEPTING LIFE FOR WHAT IT IS...

happy.satisfied

today is quite a happy day for me. first of all.. its ma'birthday! woohoo~ i'm officially 17.. XD wanna learn many new things for this yr of mine.. 1st of all, i wanna learn how to play the guitar. i noe i hv been sayin this for a long time.. but i think its time for me to take action n not wait for my parents.... 2ndly, i wanna learn how to drive.. sigh~~~~ sadly, my parents dun encourage me to take + they dun hv the funds to let me learn.. too baaaddd =( but its ok, i can ask them to be my driver for another yr or so.. lol.. 3rd, i wanna practice selfcontrol!! this is a prob i hv been hvin for a long long long long long....time and i wanna get i done b4 i take my spm!! its a vry serious prob, and i'm stubborn.. so good luck to me.. yikes! 4th, i wanna excel in everythg i do. victor gu told us tat his father told him somethg tat he's gonna rmbr it for his life.. n i plan to do so too.. "in everythg u do, u muz be the best. even if ur work is collectin rubbish, u would wan to aim to be the cleanest, the fastest, the best rubbish collector among ur peers, or even aim bigger and aim for the country or the world" i think these words are so inspiring tat it really hlps us to push our boundaries and not be stuck in our shell forever.. hope i can put this in my head wenever i start to slow down or laze.. =)

BE THE BEST AND MORE THAT YOU MAY BE.. YOU ARE BETTER THAN WHAT YOU ARE NOW...

too many.unsolved questions

today after wake up frm afternoon nap rciv 2 msgs.. js and ko.. haiz.. ko's msg normal lo.. ntg shock.. haha.. js's msg i a bit shock lo.. it said tomoro is my turn duty.. OMG!!! i plan to go ikea wif samsiah n polar n ko tomoro man! how!! 1st reaction to js.. can i find ppl ganti.. LOL.. coz i really really really wanted to go wif them.. but i dun wan to disappoint ym and gl.. wat a dilemma... the other thg is.. who can i find to ganti so tat the other 2 wont feel weird to duty wif.. then i asked js.. she reminded me of sw!! then wen sms her she said can.. a bit shock. duno why.. LOL.. yeah~ can go ikea now.. haha.. feel quite happy go lucky this few days.. and i really duno y.. its jux weird hving this process called 'knowing urself better n better'.. hope i can be a better person through this process.. but the prob is......i noe all my weakness, i jux dont noe how to control myself frm doing all these thgs.. guess its ady a habit.. someone once told me tat to make somethg a habit, jux do that thg consciously for 2 weeks.. then for the following week, u will probably be self consciously doing it.. maybe i could try that.. LOL..

STRUGGLING TO FIND MYSELF......

stupid.brainless

sigh~~ is it our fault? or is it jux them being too stupid? why cant they think for themselves. is it tat hard to use ur brain?? jux think for urself!! cant u think? dun u hv ideas?? even those younger than u guys are doing way better than u!! all of u can do many thgs, but u keep asking others to do it out of laziness and other factors.. but dun u noe tat if u keep asking others to do it, u will oni make urself worse and worse?? u cant improve urself, u cant learn anythg new, and most importantly, ppl will think u r rubbish. as tat is wat i think of u guys now.. total rubbish. a leader tat doesnt noe how to lead, a follower tat doesnt noe how to follow, and a person tat has no idea is no better than a block of wood with hand carved hands and legs. the block of wood would probably be more productive than u!! wen can u all improve urself? wen can u all change ur stupid idiotic fucking brainless attitude?? hope the thg i wanna do nxt will hlp all of u to wake up.. if it doesnt, i think i will give up and leave u guys to die....

HOPE ITS NOT TOO LATE FOR THOSE BASTERDS TO KNOW THAT THEY ARE BEING STUPID.BRAINLESS

confused

wth has happen to me?? i used to be so hardworking.. see my goals clearly.. trying my best and finding all kinds of way jux to achieve it.. ever since i get to go online at home.. its like a disease to me.. going online, tats wat i do every single day.. din online jux one day then start to feel uncomfortable.. wtf man.. should i ask my parents to cut off the line till weekends only?? coz i feel tat i cant control myself.. i nid to practice self control again as it is SPM this yr man.. no more playing.. its really really really HAPPENING!!! every single day i tell myself tat i hv a lot of time left.. tomoro there will be another 24 hrs waiting for me.. but i noe for a fact tat every tomoro i will hv a busy day.. and i will hv more n more wrk to do and the end.. so wat's happen to me.. can i not control myself?? my parents sent me to so many of these courses and camps.. jux to let me learn the ways to concentrate, ways to be a better person, ways to use my time the max, be a leader not a follower and many more.. but wat hv i done! all the knowledge i hv.. but wen do i apply it!!!! moral folio... why the hell i wait till now oni do!! fucking SPM!! why the hell malaysian education system hv to be like tat.. dun they noe tat the more they apply tis kind of system, more n more students will jux wanna rebel and hate the country??!! grrr... jux hv to work hard now.. no other choice..

SAD AND ANGRY OF MYSELF... ;(

future

wat is the meaning of future? isit tomoro? isit the nxt hr? the nxt min? or even the nxt second? nobody noes wat the real meaning is... if i enjoy the present, does this mean i dun care bout my future? most of the adults say tat ur future is everythg..if u dun use ur present time wisely, u will regret ur future... but do they really noe wat r we thinking?? they only noe how to complain bout how not perfect we r.. well.. r they perfect in anyway??? shouldnt think bout tis.. its the start of the holidays.. =) muz rmbr to enjoy myself tis week.. XD

MY LIFE MOTTO: ENJOY LIFE WHILE YOU CAN.. YOU DONT KNOW WHEN IS YOUR LAST DAY.